Praise is to Allah, may peace and blessings be upon all
of the messengers whom he sent to this temporary world.
To uphold and keep a relationship flowing is
certainly a challenging task, those of us who are married know what it is all
about...but let us be honest, we have the good days, the bad days and also the
in between days - where we just get on with it right?
We cannot always expect perfection from our other
half. Indeed the Messenger, Muhammad, (S) has said: “A believing man should not despise a believing woman, if he dislikes
some of her characteristics, he will for sure enjoy the other characteristics.”
(And vice versa – it can work both ways) (Sahih Muslim)
What we have to understand is that, we see married
life in the way we’ve experienced seeing it, or hearing about it. But what we
fail to realise is the reality; the grass is not always green on the other
side.
It is almost like a mirage from afar. Just like a
new Job; everything about the Job is excellent; the money, the hours, the
position within the company etc. But then one realises that it was not as it seemed,
and it’s probably the last place a person wants to be.
Let’s not get this wrong, the guidelines are there
and clear from the Qur’an and Sunnah of the prophet Muhammad (S) and everyone’s
situation is different. The Messenger, Muhammad (S) has indeed set guidelines in terms
of upholding the relationship between the Husband and Wife.
Taqwa (piety) is one important way of preserving
the marriage from the beginning. We get a brief understanding of Taqwa from the
Khutbah (marriage sermon) of the prophet, Muhammad (S) which is the theme of
the Khutbah, read out by the Imam, during the blessed (marriage) ceremony.
Taqwa is that we become conscious of Allah in every
aspect of our lives. If we can bare this in mind, we will have a certain
direction in our marital lives; coupled with the understanding of the verses
read at the time of Nikah.
It is mentioned in Surah Rum, verse 21
“And among his verses is that He has created
spouses for you from yourselves so that you may find solace in them and He has
placed between you affection and mercy.”
When we tie the knot, we become life partners and
lifetime companions.
Each of us should understand and appreciate that
Allah has brought us together and our destiny in life will now become one.
Whatever the situations; all events are to be
addressed as they come and in an amicable way.
Allah has sent us in this Dunya not merely to pass a
life but to make a life, such a life that will be presentable in the court of
Allah in the hereafter.
Each one of us will spend the life span decreed for
us by Allah. Allah wishes that it be spent as close as possible to the
lifestyle of the prophet, Muhammad (S), the lifestyle chosen by Allah.
Marital love and relationship between husband and
wife requires extraordinary effort from both parties if it is to remain vital.
It is important for us that we remain level headed. We are the foundation upon
which the family rely on, base their trust and turn to for support.
A marriage relationship is like a stone, it should
be ready to accept all types of weather, where it doesn’t get affected, keep
note that not every day is a sunny day.
Let us look at a few Tips that will help us in a
practical way...
1. Marriage in the eyes of Allah. We need
to understand that Allah has brought us together and we also need to understand
how he would want us to treat one another.
2. Working together. Be partners in
decision making. It does not have to be in everything we do but sometimes
including each other can make a difference.
3. Showing affection. Remind each
other how we feel, every so often.
4. Showing appreciation. Acknowledge
and thanking each other.
5. Forgetting past problems. We all
have past issues and the only way forward is learning to forget and forgive
each other, it is easy saying it but this is one of the secrets of a successful
marriage.
6. Admitting our mistakes. This is the
most sensible thing to do when we commit errors.
7. Addressing each other. When
addressing each other we should do it in a dignified manner. It makes a huge
difference.
It is mentioned in the Qur’an, “O you who believe,
fear God and (address one another) in a light hearted manner.” (Surah 33 verse
70)
Last but not least we need to be optimistic and
positive in our relationship, we’re all going to face obstacles and in
different ways; it is the way we deal with them that will count.
Fozrul Islam Khan, Islamic Marriage Solutions,
11th March 2018 (Jumad al-thani 1439)
Contact: 07943 888 099
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