Overcoming marital challenges

Praise is to Allah, may peace and blessings be upon all of the messengers whom he sent to this temporary world.

To uphold and keep a relationship flowing is certainly a challenging task, those of us who are married know what it is all about...but let us be honest, we have the good days, the bad days and also the in between days - where we just get on with it right?

We cannot always expect perfection from our other half. Indeed the Messenger, Muhammad, (S) has said: “A believing man should not despise a believing woman, if he dislikes some of her characteristics, he will for sure enjoy the other characteristics.” (And vice versa – it can work both ways) (Sahih Muslim)

What we have to understand is that, we see married life in the way we’ve experienced seeing it, or hearing about it. But what we fail to realise is the reality; the grass is not always green on the other side. 

It is almost like a mirage from afar. Just like a new Job; everything about the Job is excellent; the money, the hours, the position within the company etc. But then one realises that it was not as it seemed, and it’s probably the last place a person wants to be.

Let’s not get this wrong, the guidelines are there and clear from the Qur’an and Sunnah of the prophet Muhammad (S) and everyone’s situation is different. The Messenger, Muhammad (S) has indeed set guidelines in terms of upholding the relationship between the Husband and Wife.

Taqwa (piety) is one important way of preserving the marriage from the beginning. We get a brief understanding of Taqwa from the Khutbah (marriage sermon) of the prophet, Muhammad (S) which is the theme of the Khutbah, read out by the Imam, during the blessed (marriage) ceremony.

Taqwa is that we become conscious of Allah in every aspect of our lives. If we can bare this in mind, we will have a certain direction in our marital lives; coupled with the understanding of the verses read at the time of Nikah.

It is mentioned in Surah Rum, verse 21

“And among his verses is that He has created spouses for you from yourselves so that you may find solace in them and He has placed between you affection and mercy.”

When we tie the knot, we become life partners and lifetime companions.

Each of us should understand and appreciate that Allah has brought us together and our destiny in life will now become one.

Whatever the situations; all events are to be addressed as they come and in an amicable way.

Allah has sent us in this Dunya not merely to pass a life but to make a life, such a life that will be presentable in the court of Allah in the hereafter.

Each one of us will spend the life span decreed for us by Allah. Allah wishes that it be spent as close as possible to the lifestyle of the prophet, Muhammad (S), the lifestyle chosen by Allah.

Marital love and relationship between husband and wife requires extraordinary effort from both parties if it is to remain vital. It is important for us that we remain level headed. We are the foundation upon which the family rely on, base their trust and turn to for support. 

A marriage relationship is like a stone, it should be ready to accept all types of weather, where it doesn’t get affected, keep note that not every day is a sunny day.

Let us look at a few Tips that will help us in a practical way... 

1.  Marriage in the eyes of Allah. We need to understand that Allah has brought us together and we also need to understand how he would want us to treat one another.

2.  Working together. Be partners in decision making. It does not have to be in everything we do but sometimes including each other can make a difference.

3.  Showing affection. Remind each other how we feel, every so often.

4.  Showing appreciation. Acknowledge and thanking each other.

5.  Forgetting past problems. We all have past issues and the only way forward is learning to forget and forgive each other, it is easy saying it but this is one of the secrets of a successful marriage.

6.  Admitting our mistakes. This is the most sensible thing to do when we commit errors.

7.  Addressing each other. When addressing each other we should do it in a dignified manner. It makes a huge difference.

It is mentioned in the Qur’an, “O you who believe, fear God and (address one another) in a light hearted manner.” (Surah 33 verse 70)

Last but not least we need to be optimistic and positive in our relationship, we’re all going to face obstacles and in different ways; it is the way we deal with them that will count.

Fozrul Islam Khan, Islamic Marriage Solutions, 

11th March 2018 (Jumad al-thani 1439)

Contact: 07943 888 099

Admin@islamicmarriagesolutions.co.uk

Patience and Gratitude - Marriage Solutions

In the name of Allah, the most beneficient, the most merciful. May salutations and blessings be upon the final messenger, Muhammad.  

As servants we have many faults, and we are not perfect.  It is easy to slip and commit errors. However it is not difficult to cover them with good actions.

It is important that as servants of Allah we acknowledge that He has decreed for us our life span, and this is a reality from which we cannot turn away.  
Therefore we need to understand that although this world has been created for us, we have been in reality created for the hereafter.

Patience is a blessing from Allah and one could well imagine if we were not given this bounty from Allah, what would have happen.

We are either showing our gratitude to Allah for the things that he has bestowed upon us; otherwise we are being patient and waiting for Him to give us something better from his treasures.

It is the wisdom of Allah that He enjoins upon his servants something that they will reap from immediately.  Or He, the all Mighty, delays the bounty given to His servants.  It is then given to the servant at the right time, only Allah knows, and at a time the servant will most appreciate it.

There is a Hadith of the prophet, Muhammad (S) which states: (to the nearest meaning) “There isn’t a man who supplicates to Allah by not asking a sinful thing but he either A. Grants the thing immediately, or B. Stores up for him the same amount of good, or C. Turns away an evil of equal measure. (Musnad Imam Ahmed). 

In General we lack the need to exercise patience, this is because our surrounding makes us behave in a certain way that we do.  This constantly keeps us in certain moods, which results in us being far from exercising patience when there is a great degree and a dire need for it.

In a person’s mundane life he/she encounters and interacts with all sorts of people, from the household individuals to people at work, and people of different background and culture. 



Not everyone is the same, they do not eat, drink, think the same, otherwise it would have been a peaceful world, and we would not have any problems like in our social and domestic life.  Therefore a person needs to be cautious at times and exercise this tool of patience.

Exercising patience can be divided into three parts which, if acted upon with sincerity, will help a person tremendously to overcome problems etc. That they may be facing.

The First one is that a person exercises patience in the obedience of Allah.  Sometimes a person finds difficulty in fulfilling religious duties, however fulfilling a religious duty results in rewards, and Allah does not waste a good action of his servant.

The second is that person exercises patience in controlling one’s desires of not committing a sin, be it major or minor.  And in contrast doing a good action (continuously) a person will get reward; so much so, that it is mentioned in a Hadith related by Imam Bukhari (R) that a person will get the same reward even when he/she is sick.

The third is that a person exercises patience when afflicted with some difficulty be it a sickness, or some sort of affliction that a person is going through.  A difficulty remains when one makes it harder on oneself whereas Allah is preparing something great to give to the servant either in this world or in the hereafter.

No doubt a person will face problems in this short life, a person may go through loop holes and hardships and this is when one should not lose hope and turn to Allah.  Just like when a child is beginning to walk and takes the first few steps, the mother immediately picks the child up and embraces it and says “That’s my baby well done; I will never let you fall”. 

Like this when we turn to Allah and take the initial steps then Allah will not turn away for it is mentioned in the Qur’an “And when my servants ask you, (O Muhammad), concerning me indeed I am near, I respond to the invocation of the supplication when he calls upon me.  So let them respond to me (by obedience) and believe in me that they may be (rightly) guided.” Surah Baqarah verse 186



We should not neglect the bounties that Allah has given us; we can ask ourselves when was the last time we showed gratitude to Allah for something which he has given us?  He is the one who takes our souls away in the darkness of the night and returns it safe and sound.

It is related from Abu Hurrairah (R) that the prophet of Allah (S) said “Look towards those who are lower than you, do not look at those who are above you, because it could be that you may not recognise the bounties that Allah has blessed you with.” (Muslim)

You should always be strong as it will help you and others around you.  Just like the four walls to a room need each other for support, which will give support to the ceiling.  So as long as everyone stays firm and know their responsibilities it will make life easier.

Finally our concentration and worry should be focussed in the hereafter, how much of our actions will displease Allah and how much of our actions will please Allah is truly for us to decide.

Fozrul Islam khan, 
Wednesday 10th Safar 1433, (4th January 2012)